In Pursuit

Mosquito Nets

2011-10-10T18:41:00.000-07:00

I just read a post from my friend Laura who just went to Cameroon to spend a couple years there in the Peace Corps. And it made me crave Africa with all of my being. The kind of emotion that makes me want to laugh, cry, dance, and hug many people, at the same time. Looks like I'll be trying to find a way to get back there soon. I kind of miss sleeping under a mosquito net, after all.

Goldfish

2011-07-01T13:46:00.000-07:00

Diapers, Laundry, Cooking, Cleaning. These things dominate my life, and that's just while I'm at work. I'm a mommy-counselor-janitor, all in one. I personally believe I deserve a raise.

I was lucky enough to get hired at Isabel's House Crisis Nursery this summer. I like to love on kids, so it seemed like a perfect fit.

Don't get me wrong--it is. I'm elated by the work I get to do, except for when I get so much poop on my face I wear it as eyeshadow, or I accidentally set off the burglar alarm. I still wake up with a smile every day, and lucky for me, I'm greeted with smiles from the kids at work when I arrive every morning at 6:20.

But...WHY are the lives of these children SO messed up? I'm sorry, but no matter what world you were born in, it is still not ok to let your 9 year old child play with a loaded gun. Or rape your five year old daughter. And a kindergarten-aged girl should be worried about how to read "Frog and Toad", not how to escape a house her father just lit on fire.

Honestly, I don't think I'll ever look at you the same again. Any of you. Not because of anything you have done, but because this job has shown me you never, ever know the secret lives of anyone.

I know no one is asking me, but if they did, I would have one piece of advice: If you can't even handle taking care of a goldfish, don't bring a child into your messed up world.

Captive

2010-09-12T00:05:00.000-07:00

It's 2:06 in the a.m. and I feel like there's a lot more things I could be doing (such as sleep, for instance). Instead, I'm sitting here worrying about so many things.

At the top of my list is taking care of my friends. When did it become so important to hear people's real stories, and not only catch a glimpse of their hearts but instead take it captive?

I love that part. I love getting to know you more than you know.

But it hurts how much I have to shove who I really am aside for things like school. I feel like I'm going out of my mind with stress. My senior year is turning out to be ridiculously challenging to survive. And I'm on week 4.

What happened to having time to read God's word and talk to Him for hours at a time?

What happened to living in such strong community that I knew all the goods and bads of my friends?

What happened to having time to sleep?

What happened to being relaxed?

What happened to the pure joy that is found when I am talking to you, when I am spending time with you for no reason at all?

What happened to reading for fun?

What happened to actually having time to go to the movies?

What happened to living without a planner?

I miss all of the above so much. I guess I always knew it would be hard to be a legit, grown-up adult.

But I didn't know it meant giving up almost all of the only things that have ever mattered.

Hope

2010-07-27T11:43:00.000-07:00

"Most of us struggle in life to maintain the illusion of control, but in Africa that illusion is almost impossible to maintain. I always have the sense there that there is no equilibrium, that everything perpetually teeters on the brink of some dramatic change, that society constantly stands poised for some spasm, some tsunami in which you can do nothing but hope." -Peter Godwin

On the Road Again

2010-07-22T16:14:00.000-07:00

I want "On the Road Again" to soon be on my radio dial...

I'm on family vacation, which includes literally the most boring, put-you-to-sleep drive through Oklahoma, a short stay in big Texas, and now I'm in the beautiful state of New Mexico, checking out Santa Fe. I've been coming here every summer for three weeks since my childhood; excluding a certain trip out of the country last summer, of course.

I feel so good when I'm traveling. I love not knowing what kind of random painted metal animals I will find along the road, where I'm going to eat my next meal, and who I am going to meet. I love the shot of energy I get when I find something thrilling that I didn't know existed.

I was talking to my friend Sienna about nomadism the other day. It would never work for me; I like my job and boyfriend too much for that. But the idea of it is awesome. Ridding myself of all of my useless possessions, as Beth blogged about, and finding all the things and places and people that are real in this world--now that I could handle.

[un]fairness

2010-06-24T10:24:00.001-07:00

I live in the magical world of fair.

I think almost everything in my life thus far has been fair, equivalent, and justified. I'm slowly finding out that isn't the real world. I've always known it wasn't fair to other people; I just didn't know it was unfair to me.

I wonder how people handle the unfairness of life so easily, like it's just a way of life. I don't think fairness is a way of life at all. In fact, I think life is so unfair that we should stop labeling "injustices" and actually deal with them for what they are. When a baby dies in an orphanage today, it's our fault. It's not just "the system". One person could have saved that baby.

The Pursuit of...Nothing Worth Pursuing?

2010-05-28T13:29:00.000-07:00

Summer has started, and I'm not pursuing much of anything.

Last summer I pursued relationships with friends, family and perfect strangers all over the globe. And this summer I'm staying in Springfield, Missouri working at a preschool 30 hours a week.

I'm not pursuing anything of consequence. Except money to pay for rent. But I feel better about life than I have in a long, long time. Maybe this extended sabbath is exactly what God knew I needed.

It's too bad I can't think about anything but Africa.

After the Last Tear Falls

2010-05-18T12:37:00.000-07:00

After the last tear falls
After the last secret's told
After the last bullet tears through flesh and bone
After the last child starves
And the last girl walks the boulevard
After the last year that's just too hard

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

After the last disgrace
After the last lie to save some face
After the last brutal jab from a poison tongue
After the last dirty politician
After the last meal down at the mission
After the last lonely night in prison

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

And in the end, the end is
Oceans and oceans
Of love and love again
We'll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we'll look back on these tears as old tales

'Cause after the last plan fails
After the last siren wails
After the last young husband sails off to join the war
After the last "this marriage is over"
After the last young girl's innocence is stolen
After the last years of silence that won't let a heart open

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

And in the end, the end is
Oceans and oceans
Of love and love again
We'll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we'll look back on these tears as old tales

'Cause after the last tear falls
There is love

-waterdeep

Augustana

2010-05-07T17:52:00.001-07:00

Augustana is one of my top 3 bands of all time. I went to their FREE concert at MSU on Wednesday (Free? What were they thinking?! This band is too good for "free"!!) and I was in the fifth row. I was also more than a little excited that my friends' band opened for them. (Check out Cloud City, they rock.)

After the band left the stage, the audience went crazy for an encore and in order to avoid being attacked by a mob, the band obliged. The main singer, Dan, took hold of the microphone, lit cigarette hanging out of his mouth, and said:

"I grew up with my parents telling me there was only one way to Heaven. Then I did some stuff I knew Jesus would never forgive me for. Then I met this girl who told me all that stuff about Jesus Christ was sh**. She said she would forgive me because Jesus wouldn't. And I married her, and she's loved me no matter what I've done, more than Jesus ever could."

I was glad to hear only a few audience members cheering him on. But what I wrote above is almost word for word what he said; that's how uncomfortable and sad it made me feel. I wish he could believe Jesus would forgive him.

He went on to play a song containing the lyrics Cause I believed in the Lord/ but He don't show up anymore.

I was talking to my friend Jill after the concert. The drummer of Augustana, Justin, asked me what the good bars were in town, and Jill and I realized that maybe if we went and hung out with them that night, we could maybe have a legit conversation about Jesus.

We didn't go. Sort of because we (at least me; I can't speak for Jill) were too unsure of what we would say. I also didn't go for selfish reasons, too--I had a six page research paper to write.

We got to talking about why Christians are so shy to share Jesus' love. But people who are against religion have no problem proclaiming their beliefs. Why? We're not ashamed. At least I don't think so. Maybe we don't want to start controversy. Maybe we don't think we know the words to say. But I hate to admit it...if I was Jesus, I probably would have gone and had a beer with Augustana and told them about how much I love God.

White Privilege

2010-04-24T11:10:00.000-07:00

[Disclaimer...I'm a white, Christian, middle class female...]

Let's face it.

Springfield, Missouri is creepily white and protestant.

Our definition of diversity is having both blonde and brunettes in the same extracurricular activities. Studies show I attend one of the top five most white colleges in the United States.

Missouri State University is talking about implementing a course focused on teaching white kids about diversity, which would include attending a Jewish synagogue once and maybe watching a video or two on diversity. (Which would obviously solve the diversity acceptance problem.)

Studies show that as the United States becomes more diverse, it becomes more segregated. People live with, attend school with, and go grocery shopping with other people of the same color. It's not just skin color, either. It's socioeconomic status and religion and every other form of segregation I can't imagine.

It makes me sick how we focus so much on unprivileged minorities as if white or protestant or middle class people can fix these people who are "wrong". But we ignore the fact that white, protestant, middle class people enjoy privilege.

I am never asked to speak for all the people in my racial group.

I can expect everyone to know about my culture. Even if I am oblivious to theirs.

I am taught that my culture is the ideal.

Are we this oblivious to the fact that instead of feeling sorry for others, we could also realize that their under privilege is due to our privilege? That instead of changing things for others, we could admit that we should change a few things ourselves?

Hell yes!

2010-04-13T22:19:00.001-07:00

We've been discussing Hell in my C.S. Lewis class for the past two weeks. Interesting, because I grew up Methodist and (at least as my impression growing up) we only really discuss Heaven. Hell was just that other place that was simply the absence of Heaven.

Today my teacher put three categories on the board under which we should label our beliefs about Hell: "Hell, yes!" "Hell if I know" and "Hell, no!"

Seriously? I had to take a stance on this issue that I feel I know nothing about? I had to literally go stand by the board in a category and declare my belief? It is barely mentioned in the Bible except maybe...Revelation? It was weird. I felt unprepared. Of course I believe in Hell, because it's a Biblical concept and I believe in the Bible. But why didn't I know anything about it?

This whole labeling ourselves idea might have been less awkward if my school wasn't located in the middle of the Bible belt. But, alas, it is. And it was awkward. Even my teacher seemed to be bashing the atheists and agnostics of the room and at one point I was tempted to do a Shaq jump to the "Hell, no!" side just to remind everyone they were people too.

We all had a chance to talk on the subject. As my "Hell, yes!" classmates talked, I noticed not a single one of them mentioned Jesus.

My skin started to prickle like it always does when I know I have to say something. So I made a pretty good point about repentance (and therefore grace...except I didn't say this out loud) and then started stumbling through something about Jesus.

I just wish I could get my thoughts into words and tell these people that Jesus is forgiving, and all you have to do is believe and repent to meet Him in Heaven...

So, I need to vent a little bit, I suppose.

2010-04-10T11:26:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling like a quitter.

Not because I've actually quit anything...my current lifestyle is just different than my old lifestyle, I guess. It's for the better, even though it isn't going to impress anyone looking at my resume.

"Sarah, why did you used to be involved in 359 activities and never sleep? Now your resume is blank except for work, school, Icthus, and the crisis nursery and you still don't sleep. Why did you become a failure?"

"I've decided people are more important than resumes. I've stopped screwing people over because I didn't have time for them. My purpose in life isn't to do more, but it's to help more and love more."

"Wow, you should write a book. Really. Because we're not hiring you. It might be your only chance at making money."

I know. I see it coming. I'm accepting of it...?

On another quitting note, within the last week I've almost quit both work and the crisis nursery. (Feeling like quitting school is more of an everyday occurrence.)

I get tired of people taking advantage of my helpful attitude at work; but is that just me being bitter that they're not "appreciating" me enough? I always go above and beyond. Maybe I'm just expecting people to consider me as a person. I'm not really sure.

I walked into the crisis nursery yesterday, and they gave me a huge list of chores to do that didn't allow me any time with the kids. Including vacuuming while the kids were asleep. I asked if we could wait until they woke up, and they said no.

I would like to say to them: What is your purpose? Is it really to just follow rules and schedules more than love on these kids and create the best environment for THEM? I was sooooo frustrated. I'm not quitting yet...I know those kids are more important than anything.

So I guess that's why I feel like a quitter.

But hey, I love you. Does that make it any better?

The Ubiquitous Anonymity of me and You

2010-03-24T00:13:00.000-07:00

Side note...before I even start writing...every time I sign into my blog and it only takes twenty seconds, I'm brought back to the ten minutes I always waited in Ghana for the internet to load, and remember the patience I had there and wonder if I could somehow let a little of that bleed into my current life.

I went to a Jewish Synagogue the other day for a class in my Religious Studies minor. The Rabbi was available for questions, and I asked if they placed any emphasis whatsoever on evangelism. To my surprise, her answer was short and to the point: No. Absolutely not. In fact, they remain fairly neutral about what religions other people are; they just focus on what they themselves believe.

I found that really interesting, and it put me a little off balance.

Not because I think every church is out to evangelize the world and rub their "I love Jesus" shirts in people's faces (in fact, I've been known to wear a few shirts like that myself without that purpose). I found it interesting simply because I have never heard anyone say to me before that evangelism is not a valued practice.

I think many people in the Church have a heart for evangelism. Some people are able to meet someone on the street and tell them about Jesus. But other people are good at living a Christian lifestyle, and showing God's love, without being so direct. Still others, like me, love on kids all day but are never able to even mention the name of Jesus.

For me, all I understand is the ubiquitous anonymity of the love I know because of Jesus. I don't--some would go so far as say can't (if I want to keep my job)--talk about Christianity all day every day.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this. Consider everyone's spiritual gifts as equally valuable for evangelism. To me, there is no perfect definition of evangelism to strive for; just love people. The time will come when this love is somehow unforeseeably connected to Jesus Christ.

Remember: calculation is never any part of love.

Don't feel like you have to read this

2010-02-20T12:15:00.000-08:00

God's been showing me His world needs change.

There's a two month old at the crisis nursery right now.

Why, WHY, would anyone not want that baby?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I've tried and I've tried. God's world needs to change. It needs to be what He wanted. I want us to live it the way He intends. I want it enough that I'll do anything.

I'm really tired of being selfish. I'm here to do whatever I can to help. I need to help.

His world is falling apart and it's all our fault, we're all selfish and we pray for God to heal us and make our lives better and I KNOW that if we cared about other people the way we can and should, then we'd be too worried about others to focus on ourselves.

It's amazing how much healing comes from helping others, and I have no patience for anything else.

Noah

2010-02-10T15:36:00.000-08:00

I'm in an Old Testament class right now. Besides the fact that I hate getting tested on biblical knowledge, I'm actually enjoying it quite a bit. But my professor has spent the last few weeks making a case for the flood (think Noah's ark) not actually happening throughout the world and also made me wonder why God refers to Himself as "our" (think Genesis 1:26: "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness").

I've come to the conclusion that I don't know what conclusion to come to. I'd like to believe that the flood was universal, but there's manuscripts from all over--the Epic of Gilgamesh has many, MANY similarities to the story of Noah, but it also involves many gods.

Which brings me to point 2. I personally think my professor came down too hard on me when I suggested the "our" might mean the trinity (he pointed out the trinity is not mentioned at all in the Old Testament). He said the "our" is a divine council. As far as meaning God and His heavenly angels, I guess he might be right. Touche, Prof. Moyer, touche.

I think the purpose of the flood story was not to spell out a specific event that occurred in a certain way at a certain time and ended with a rainbow (and probably a pot of gold). I think it's a "story", but a story from which we can learn a lot from and which I have no authority to deem accurate or inaccurate.

I do know this. There's been no fish bones found on land to indicate a flood. How would the animals have all gone to where Noah built his boat? The big tigers didn't kill the little bunnies for forty days? The freshwater fish became saltwater fish? Noah landed on the mountains of Ararat (in modern day Iran) and the polar bears got themselves to Alaska? It would take 8--let me repeat, EIGHT-- times the amount of water that exists on this earth to cover Mt. Everest. And where did this water go?

God's awesome and amazing and I can fully believe that He just made all this work. That there's no reason for practical implications when He is involved. But I'm going to focus on the meaning behind Genesis from now on, which is extremely applicable and full of God's purpose, instead of nitpicking. My faith is in God, and does not depend on the existence of Noah.

Studying the Bible this closely with professional religious expertise shutting down all my childhood Sunday School stories is strengthening my knots of faith. I didn't even know some of them were there, but now that someone's tried to tear them apart it's clear they are eternal.

Reckless

2010-02-02T11:21:00.000-08:00

A Child Soldier named Michel Chikwanine came to Missouri State's campus. He talked about his time in the Democratic Republic of Congo. He was 23? 24? and has seen some of the most painful parts of this world.

When he was 8, he was abducted while playing soccer alongside his best friend. They took him to a child army encampment. Though he was too little to handle a gun on his own, he was still trained to shoot.

Within the first few weeks of living at the encampment, he was blindfolded. A man stood him up, placed a gun in his hands, and said "SHOOT". After dropping the gun twice, Michel mustered all his strength he had to hold up the gun and fired. The man behind him took the gun away and removed the blindfold; Michel had just shot his best friend.

After escaping the child army, Michel also witnessed the rapes of his mother and two sisters; he was told to watch and held at gunpoint, where he would be shot if he blinked. Michel's father was a political activist and tortured, and in the end, Michel had little choice but to leave home as a refugee.

All I have done today is wish I had slept more last night and complained about my classes. I find myself craving reckless abandonment in pursuit of the lost.

Pursuit of Sunshine

2009-12-29T14:06:00.001-08:00

I miss yam chips and lemon fanta, and teaching Deaf kids and playing soccer in a skirt and toms, and getting caught in rainstorms and lost in the fields, and the love of so many, and the constant adventure, and the smiles of small children, and the beat of African drums.

I want to do it again, over and over and over.

I want to tell you something, but I don't have a clue where to start. It's impossible to tell you how desperate the situation is in our world, and I hardly know anything. I've never had to live it.

Think about those little boys in Slumdog Millionare. That lifestyle is not just a movie.

I'm so guilty of being sucked into our little consumer world we have built for ourselves--I mean, I won't deny my excitement when I got my new MacBook Pro :) --but I'm sorry when I remember none of that is real. My happiest days are the ones full of hugs and laughter. That's my source of sunshine.

Why can't we keep that and give up just a little, tiny, miniscule bit of the rest? Maybe give someone else a chance to smile and laugh too? A chance to pursue their own sunshine?

Maybe we can't hide our hearts from the forgotten any longer...

2009-11-10T21:30:00.001-08:00

Half of the population of Uganda is under the age of 14.

That realization just knocked me off my feet...that is absolutely ridiculous. Orphans are roaming the streets, and I'm living in the box of college life where the most daring thing I do around here is go skydiving.

Maybe it's just me, but doesn't anyone else ever feel strangled by the life we are told to live? By the life we allow ourselves to follow? Romans 12:2 says "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world", and we talked about this at Bible study tonight. We have to conquer our own path.

Sometimes I worry that I think more about groceries than the homeless digging through my dumpster. I get more upset about failing a test than about human trafficking. I have screwed up priorities. Maybe that's why people I met in Africa seemed to have nothing but still be content with their lives.

In Hohoe, the tradition is to ask every person you meet on your way to work "How is your family?". If any person replies that their family is not well, you don't go to work that day. You spend your entire day with that ill person.

Aside from the obvious connections we can make to the differences between this and honking at slow cars on your way to work...maybe, just maybe, this is a little glimpse of life through the lens God intended us to use.

It's who you strive to be that makes you who you are

2009-11-09T21:59:00.000-08:00

We sang this song at Friday Night Praise last week. It's one of those songs that just digs deep into your soul. And just so you know...I'll do anything for you, too.

For The Widows In Paradise; For The Fatherless In Ypsilanti :

I have called you children, I have called you son.
What is there to answer if I'm the only one?
Morning comes in Paradise, morning comes in light.
Still I must obey, still I must invite.
If there's anything to say, if there's anything to do,
If there's any other way, I'll do anything for you.

I was dressed embarrassment.
I was dressed in wine.
If you had a part of me, will you take your time?
Even if I come back, even if I die
Is there some idea to replace my life?
Like a father to impress;
Like a mother's mourning dress,
If you ever make a mess, I'll do anything for you.

I have called you preacher; I have called you son.
If you have a father or if you haven't one,
I'll do anything for you.
I did everything for you

-sufjan stevens

It always comes around, back to this

2009-10-14T09:37:00.000-07:00

I never thought I'd want to go back this bad.

I can't get Africa off my mind. I can't get homeless parents and hopeless children to stop breaking my heart. Recently all I want to do is escape the scholastic world and go back.

Or, maybe, not even go back. Maybe make a difference where I am. I volunteer at the Crisis Nursery here in Springfield. Have you ever rocked a baby to sleep knowing that his parents never want to sing him a lullaby? Have you ever looked into the eyes of a seven year old and known that you will be the only one to ask him how his day was at school?

I have. I do. And I hate it.

I am literally one of the luckiest girls in the world. I have a God that shows me every day how special I am. I have friends and family that know how to make me smile...friends that take me to Chipotle between classes on rainy days and friends that know my love of Toy Story 2...family that always cares...

I am so loved. I am shown how precious I am to my Father every day in every way, shape, and form.

I just want to share one ounce of this love I receive with these kids. I wish I could put my entire heart into every one of these children's lives, because it WOULD make a world of difference. I could literally change someone's life...this thought blows me away.

But there's too many. There's homeless people lining Commercial street every night. There's pregnant girls who have no one to turn to. There's children who live weeks at a time at the Crisis Nursery. The area in which I live has one of the highest child abuse rates in America, and I can't help every one of these children, there's too many. God is the one who sees the child crying himself to sleep at night, and I CAN'T DO ANYTHING.

This has been on my heart for weeks. I can't sleep when I think about it. I can't focus in class. I'm just doing what I can. I'm pouring every bit of happiness into the kids at the Crisis Nursery that I can. I'm going to start helping lead a parents group for teens at Rare Breed with Sienna.

I'm going to pray for these kids and look for how I can make a difference.

"Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."

New Pictures...

2009-07-14T13:57:00.000-07:00

Alright, I put up my pictures online! (Stop the exclamations of "finally" please, I've been busy!!)

Here's the link:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/pursuitofsunshine/

Enjoy! Thanks to everyone who kept up with my trip, it means so much to me!

Where Am I Going...Where Have I Been?

2009-07-11T11:32:00.000-07:00

In short...all over Seattle and Tacoma, Washington. More specifically...kayaking in Puget Sound, exploring the Seattle waterfront, shopping on Capitol Hill, playing with the kids, and surviving a bus ride through the unfamiliar downtown Seattle.

About that experience.

I have a habit of spacing out when I'm on buses. I hate when people talk to me, I get annoyed when people turn their music up too loud, and I refuse to wait in line behind people that forget to have correct change to pay for their ride.

We got held up at a stop downtown as a lady ran to catch the bus, stormed up the steps, and then demanded to be let onto the bus even though she only had sixty-four cents. Due to the nice (or just impatient) bus driver, she was let on and we continued our route through town.

The lady fell into a chair as if she hadn't sat in days. Her outfit was a messy mix of in-style-in-the-80s clothing and boots meant for only cowboys out on the ranch, and I immediately assumed she was either crazy or homeless.

I soon came to the conclusion that she was a little bit of both, as she rattled on and on to the passenger beside her about how she hadn't been employed in months, but though she had no consistency in her life, she was trying to run a non-profit program for women, teaching them how to sew. She proudly showed off her tattered bag that had obviously been ruthlessly made by an unskilled woman with a needle, saying it was made by one of her brand new students.

As I got off the bus, I handed her the bus fare of two dollars and a small piece of paper where I wrote "Whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy--James 1:2". I don't know why. But here's my thinking.

We rush through our lives so much that we never stop to think that maybe people really are at the end of their rope and just need a smile to get the courage to try to climb back up again. We don't realize that handing a homeless woman on the bus two dollars will make her cry and realize that there really are people in this world that love. We call ourselves Christians. Maybe if we took time to be such, we wouldn't have to label ourselves. Others would label us.

If You're Ever in Boise...

2009-07-04T22:59:00.000-07:00

Happy July 4th! Or, really, probably July 5th by the time I'm finished.

Fireworks time with the family! (Photographer Mom not pictured)

I've had quite the week here in Boise, ID: enduring another airplane ride/layover/delay to get here, spending time with my cousins, aunt and uncle, biking everywhere and more, fishing (correction: observing the boys fish), beautiful sunsets, BBQs, shopping, celebrating my aunt's birthday, boating, floating, jet skiing, and more. So far, a very successful vacation.

My cousin Ben :)

In case you're ever in the area, I thought I'd give you a few helpful hints to survive and make your stay more pleasant.

1. Geese are overly protective of the patch of grass they have claimed as their very own, and can run really, really fast after you. (Side note: they can also hiss. Who knew?)

2. If you don't own a vehicle with 4-wheel drive, I'm sorry...you won't fit in. But you can rent one at the airport for the very low cost of approximately $150/day (which to my Missouri mind seems a little ridiculous).

3. There is approximately 43 coffee shops around here. And I'm not even in Seattle yet.

4. When you fall off a jet ski going 40 miles an hour, you're going to be SORE the next day!!

5. When floating down the river, if you let me paddle, don't be surprised that we go straight into a tree. Really, it's your own fault for giving the paddle to me in the first place.

It's a "98 Degrees, 50 Hours on a Plane" Kind of Summer

2009-06-28T22:06:00.000-07:00

I'm halfway regretting not living my entire summer in Lee's Summit, MO. It's such a great place. Especially Longview Lake and its pelicans (I swear we saw them)!

We took a trip to Kansas City and saw EVERYTHING. I'm talking the art museum, looking at the entire city from the roof of a hotel, suffering through shopping at Urban Outfitters without any air conditioning (did I mention it was 98 degrees?), playing in the fountain, stuffing ourselves with cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory, and watching this amazing sunset.

I love the birdies at the art museum!!!

Tomorrow morning I get on another plane. Luckily this one isn't a two-day experience! I'm headed to Boise, ID with my parents and brother. We're visiting family that I haven't seen in years, so I am sooo excited about catching up with them, especially because my aunt and uncle have been to Africa a couple times too.

I believe I have earned a reward for my packing skills: I fit everything into a carry-on. A hint for all you people out there that don't generally spend 50 hours of your summer on a plane: roll your jeans, expect wrinkles, and pack an optimistically small amount of socks!

The Little Children of the World

2009-06-24T17:13:00.000-07:00

...Red and yellow, black and white, we are precious in His sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world...

I'm back in St. Louis!

I feel like I've been gone for years and years, since I have experienced so much this last month; but then again, almost nothing has changed since I was gone.

I made it back with relatively little problems. The luggage-loader (I know, me and all my technical terms) broke down behind our plane in Amsterdam, so we were stranded on the runway for a couple hours. Because of this delay, we circled Chicago a while before they could find room on the landing strip for us.

US Customs had a bone or two to pick with me. I'm not sure if it was my American smile or my mysterious bright red suitcase, but they sent me through four stations of customs, including a special computer inspection of my passport and a very careful metal detector and x-ray station. They didn't quite find the marijuana they were looking for.

Now that I'm home, I'm overwhelmed at the amount of cars on the road (a traffic jam in Hohoe was 6 taxis on the same dirt strip) and the ability to wear clothes that don't cover my knees. My body is still getting used to American food. I had my family meet me at the airport with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and an apple, which certainly brightened my mood after nearly 30 hours with no sleep...again.

I could not begin to tell you how much I have learned. I have seen that my American lifestyle is full of selfishness and greed, with complete disregard for the reality of the world.

I have seen that my happiest moments in life always revolve around children, whether they are Deaf or Hearing, American or African, two months old or twelve years old.

I have discovered that my most favorite foods in all the world are yam chips and lemon fanta.

I've discovered a new desire to be involved in the lives of children that have no parents. The smile of a child who is used to just being one in the crowd is irreplaceable, and I literally tear up thinking about it.

I'll leave you with the best moment of my entire trip.

One afternoon I visited a new orphanage. This was the most organized orphanage in Hohoe, with adults who truly cared, fairly organized football (soccer) games in the afternoon, and children who took care of each other.

After hemming up some of their clothes and putting buttons on the girl's dresses, I wandered outside to the yard where they were playing. After watching the children interacting within themselves for a moment, I soon got distracted with all the little kids who were climbing on my back and begging me to take their picture. A while later, a little girl named Rebecca who spoke very little English hopped on my back.

We snuck away from the crowd, and as we walked, I sang her songs, laughing and tickling her. I felt such elation spending time with this little girl, telling her she was special and pouring my entire heart into her. She began to sing "You are my sunshine" quietly, and I looked up into the sky to point out the sun to her, and saw that the bright blue sky was filled with a full rainbow.

I literally stopped dead in my tracks in awe. We hadn't had rain for two days. As the goosebumps on my arms grew, the children behind me started singing the only song they knew in English: a song about the colors of the rainbow.

Let me tell you, God is soooooo good. With this moment in mind, it is impossible to think otherwise.

Leaving the children this day tore my heart out. But I'm encouraged by that rainbow. I know these children will grow up taking care of each other instead of being raised by a mother and father, and that they may very well grow up to wander the town selling plantains from a basket they carry on their heads, but they will be loved and taken care of by none other than our God.

He knows their names, their faces, their laughter and tears.

And some day, I will too.

White girls can climb trees?!

2009-06-17T02:05:00.000-07:00

2:05 pm Ghana time

My kids don't have any playground equipment at the School for the Deaf, so I decided to build them tree swings (with some major help from the other volunteer that works at the school). We put the actual swing together, then realized that we had to somehow get the swing tied to the high branch on the tree. We don't think ahead much.

So, being who I am, I just climbed up the tree myself and tied it to a branch. After a successful knot that would give the average sailor a run for their money, I looked down and one of the staff members had his cell phone out taking a picture--apparently it blew his mind that white girls can climb trees.Our rope swing!

Yesterday we checked out a local monkey sanctuary. There was 400 monkeys scurrying around in the trees, and one swung down as I held a banana, sat on the bench, and peeled it while it was still in my hand.

Now I can say, why yes, I HAVE fed a monkey.

The original teacher of my kindergarten class told me today that I am the first person who has ever been able to hold their attention for an entire lesson. That made me feel pretty good about myself.

Tomorrow's my last day at the School for the Deaf. I'm going to miss them. There is one little boy in my class who has behavior problems and can't sit at his desk, and I have seen him go from having a blank workbook when I got here to learning how to handle a pencil and draw patterns and write some numbers. I don't even care that they are all backwards and upside down.

On to my last orphanage visit. We are sewing on buttons because the kid's clothes are all button-less and don't stay on.

I didn't come here to make any drastic improvements. It's doing little things like this that make all the difference.

A Little Bit of This...A Little Bit of That...

2009-06-14T12:30:00.000-07:00

Weekends in Ghana are like holidays. No one expects anything out of you, and I have definitely finished two books and conquered the game of Phase Ten.

I also walked/ran to another town that's about 3 miles away from our house. Aside from almost getting creamed by ten taxis and hit on by African bicyclists, it was the calmest time I've had here. I watched the sun set over the Ghanaian mountains, its colors wrapping themselves around the outlines of palm trees waving in the pre-rain breeze. Beautiful.

I can't believe I only have four more days at the School for the Deaf. I love these kids. I went to Deaf church this morning, and it was sooo different than any church I've walked into before. I sat with the older kids, and they signed typical songs and telling the story of Moses. Then the teacher/song leader/story teller person called for all the kids who needed healing to come up front. They "performed healing", holding their hands over the kids that fell on the ground in reaction. It was something I've never experienced before.

Deaf Church

I look forward to the next four days...entering the idea of double-digit addition into my kindergartener's heads, hugging more lonely orphans and dancing on graves with them at the "park", and seeing that my life is so good.

Air conditioning and PB&J

2009-06-12T10:17:00.000-07:00

Now this is Africa.

I really like rice, bread, and fruit, don't get me wrong. But I've eaten that 36 times, and it's a liiiittle bit old :)

I've decided that Heaven will probably have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and air conditioning.

My kindergarten class understands addition!!!!!!!!!!! I brought out the most brilliant mix of popsicle sticks, permanent markers, poster board, and glue that this world has ever seen. And all my kids can now officially add numbers 1-5 to each other. So that's my achievement of the last two weeks!

My taxi driver and I have get along well--we had an African dance party at our house and he came. A couple days ago he was driving me home, pulled over in this random field, handed me the keys, and said "you're driving!"

Did I mention I've never driven a stick shift before?

And you can't even really call it a road?

It was quite the experience of a lifetime.

I've now been proposed to by three Africans, and a teenager at the Deaf school today sweetly passed me a note explaining his love for me and how he would like me to take him to America, where people drive big trucks in Texas.

The kids at the orphanage today asked me to take them to the park. I was blown away that they had a park here, and got really excited. Imagine my surprise when I saw that the "park" was an empty field and a graveyard, and the kids still had the time of their lives.

Feel free to stop reading here, but shameless plug:
Visit www.tomsshoes.org
When you buy a pair of shoes for yourself, they automatically send a pair of shoes to a child somewhere that doesn't own any.
My kids here don't own shoes. There's the occasional child that has a pair of flip-flops caked in mud that is four sizes too small, but otherwise, they walk through the trash daily in bare feet. Disease spreads so quickly, and all it would take is SHOES. It's so hard to watch, and know that kids in America own so many shoes they never use.

OK, shameless plug over.

I hope you are all doing well, and I'll be home in 8 days! Love you all!

Welcome to Africa

2009-06-10T10:21:00.000-07:00

I conquered a mountain yesterday.

OK, half a mountain.

But it was a 4 hour hike and involved 6 caves...so give me some credit.

We hiked through the mountain and the caves at Likpe yesterday...woke up at 6...seriously? I thought it was summer???!

Otherwise, Africa is amazing. I got my dress (after an hour fight with the seamstress), I've hiked a mountain, I know 15 phrases in Ewe even though I mispronounce them every time, I officially count in cedis instead of US dollars, and I love it here.

Now, let me tell you something to appreciate: your laundry machines. Let me tell you about doing laundry by hand.

1. Fill up a huge metal bucket with water from the spigot.

2. Pour in some laundry soap.

3. Add clothes.

4. The water's automatically brown...but ignore that....and swish your clothes around, rub them against each other for five minutes...

5. Dump them in another metal bucket and rinse them...

6. Can I be doing laundry in America yet??

Time to go.......gotta get back because another one of the volunteers is craving pineapple.

Welcome to Africa.

Stop and Stare...

2009-06-08T13:39:00.000-07:00

8:41pm Ghana time

Turns out when you stop and stare at this world...it hurts.

This morning I woke up at 5 and went to the Eugemont orphanage to help bathe the kids. The orphanage has 48 kids and two adults trying to take care of them. As soon as I got there, a girl named Sarah latched on to me (go figure--there's a million Sarahs everywhere, but at least people remember my name instead of calling me Yavo [white person] like everyone else gets, haha). Sarah took me on a tour of their small house, with at least ten kids crammed into each room.

She showed me the baby room. Shoved into the back of the house, it was a concrete floor with two adult-sized beds they lay the babies on to sleep. When I walked in, they were all awake, but the adults had no idea, because the door is kept shut at all times. A little baby named Lucas, probably 8 months, was lying on the bed and I went over to tickle and play with him. His entire face lit up into a huge smile, as if he hadn't seen love before.

The older babies had somehow managed to get off the beds and onto the concrete floor without knocking themselves out, and were running around in the mess that was all over the concrete (they can't afford diapers for the kids, and don't bother with them at all).

I had a great time bathing the kids. They all stand outside on a concrete block, and I poured a bucket of water over their heads, scrubbed them down with soap, dried them off, lotioned them, and started all over again. 48 times. But it was great, because I got to actually spend time with each of the kids. They all have names, and stories, and favorites, and need to be told they are the most beautiful child in all the world. But they don't know.

I want each child here to know they are special. That they are individual, and more than the 48th child that needs to be fed and clothed. If they like to sing, or dance, or write, I want to hear about it. They are worthy of being loved for just being who they are. Here they are taught that the only way to earn attention is to fulfill a formula...obedience + academic excellence. Nothing else matters.

I wish I could inspire them. Show them that they are a precious child of God. That when everyone else forgets them, they are still number one on His list. But it's hard to teach God's love to children that are never kissed goodnight.

It's about time to leave Hohoe...

2009-06-07T12:13:00.000-07:00

7:15pm Ghana time

Well I've officially been in Africa for over a week...time to travel, right?!

Last Thursday I went to the Wli waterfall. It's the biggest in the country, and it was hands down amazing. The wall to the left of the waterfall was covered in thousands and thousands of bats, flying above our heads as we swam in the water. The best part? It's literally the first time I haven't been sweating since I walked off that plane a week ago...

This weekend a group of ten of us decided to go to Volta Lake. It's the world's largest man-made lake, and it has this amazing resort called Afrikiki. I didn't even feel like I was in Africa while I was there. We just enjoyed the best break after a long week of culture shock and hard work.

Can I just say that if I was making a list about things I want to change about Ghana, the roads would for sure be in the top five list. When it rains, the potholes are big enough for four-year-old children to go swimming in. The ride gives me the biggest headache in the world. The best headache, though...I mean, when was the last time I got to go spend a weekend at a resort on the waterfront? We were pretty spoiled. It was great.

Well, I've been here for 8 days now, and I officially love it. This community is SO vibrant and beautiful. There are so many other places in the world where the people are desperately searching for help and rescuing. But it's not like that here. Yes, it's poverty-stricken and impossibly poor, but these people embrace life. Half of the community is Muslim, and every day, five times a day, they stop to worship and pray. There is reverence for what is truly important: worship, family, friends, relationships, love. There's no need to rush around, or endlessly run errands. People do not spend time alone; they close up shop when the sun sets and the night life begins; their world is so hard, but so full of grace and happiness.

By being here, I have already learned so much. First of all: SLOW DOWN. Let me emphasize that one again. SLOW DOWN. Spend the time to enjoy life. It only happens this way once, and unless I stop and stare and realize that there is more to life than myself, it is impossible to truly see our world the way God wants us to see it. Second: Enjoy the little things in life. A couple days ago, a volunteer and I lost track of time while we were in town, and ended up making our way through fields in the pitch black, trying to get home. Then it started to downpour.

That was the best feeling in my life.

Third: Smile. Smile at people, smile at things, smile at memories...it just makes the world a better place.

I love you all!

Do you speak English?...Ewe?...American Sign Language?

2009-06-04T10:06:00.000-07:00

5:20 pm Ghana time

This language thing is crazy! I have three languages spinning through my head all the time: English, Ewe (local African dialect), and American Sign Language. A lot of the teachers at the Deaf school are hearing, and I was really excited to know that--until I realized a lot of them only speak Ewe. It's not too bad, though...I'm becoming fluent in ASL faster than I ever thought possible.

Today at the Deaf school I taught the concept of family. The School for the Deaf is a boarding school, and some of the kids are orphans, so it was extremely difficult to get across the concept of parents (not to mention I was trying to do it all in sign language). I tried to explain brother and sister, but that was a complete lost cause.

To explain what each family member's sign was, I made flash cards. I have never seen the kids more excited about anything!!!! I guess it was the first time they had any school supply besides a small workbook, a pencil, or rusted bottlecaps.

The differences in my kid's learning levels are starting to come out, too. One of my kids fingerspelled the words mother and father to me, while others did not even understand the signs after an hour of the lesson. This challenge makes me SO excited for the upcoming weeks, though!! I know I have the ability to figure out where each student is at, and what they are going to need to be able to successfully learn.

The kids in my class are not malnourished by any means, because this is a government-sponsored school and they have money for food. However, they take so much advantage of everything. It's so different from the kids in the states. Their snack this morning was a bowl full of nuts, and they all downed them in less than a minute. We started to leave for a class trip to the library and one of the teachers started going through the kids' pockets. I figured out some of them were trying to save the nuts in their pockets to eat later, and it broke my heart to see them hit (they're all for corporal punishment here) just because they were trying to save some food.

The library has two wooden tables in the middle of the room, surrounded by benches for the kids, covered in yellowed newspapers, textbooks appropriate for fifth or sixth graders, atlases, and one children's book about monkeys. Let me tell you, that monkey book was the attention of the entire class. Every student took a turn looking at it, showing me what the monkeys ate and what they did--it was obviously the only book they had ever truly read.

Today I had one of the kids ask me if I ever shower. I said yes, I shower every day, and the kid had such a scared look on her face that I asked why. Turns out she thought that I had showered one day, and washed all my color off, and that was why I was white. Ha! Try explaining to a Deaf five year old girl that you were just born white!

They also kept signing "Teacher, you're a pig". I couldn't figure out why, so they took me to the pig pen to show me that the pigs have white hair over their pink skin, just like I have white arms.

The entire country of Ghana has been in a blackout for the last two days, and we only just got electricity back. Luckily my house has a generator to use at night, but the rest of the country has been pitch black. What was amazing to me is that the electricity went out during the day one day and no one even noticed. Electricity is just not essential in any way, shape, or form here.

Sorry this is so long!!! I'm not very good at the whole short blogging thing.

Miss you all!

Waezo

2009-06-02T10:29:00.000-07:00

5:32 pm Ghana time

Waezo! Welcome!

I know you're not going to believe me, but every time I think of Ghana, I think of goats. They are everywhere. On the street, in the fields, in the houses, chasing around the chickens...they run around wild like dogs in the states.

I started work today at the Volta School for the Deaf. All the children that live in the region that are Deaf attend this school. I have a class of twenty kindergarteners, ranging in age from five to ten. I observed today, and I'll start teaching tomorrow. The school has two kindergarten classrooms, and I am in the more advanced one--they are learning to write their names, while the other kindergarten is still learning their colors.

There is another volunteer placed at the school, too, and today we brought an American football. They were AMAZED. The school does not have any athletic equipment whatsoever, and they had never seen an American football. The other volunteer and I went out to the field to teach them to play. We played five-on-five with the fifteen and sixteen year old boys during recess time, while probably 30 other kids watched.

I am amazed at the Ghanaian hospitality that I find everywhere. These are literally the most hospitable people I have ever met. Yesterday when walking back from the internet cafe, another volunteer and I got lost in some random field. We stopped at a house to ask how to get to Cross Cultural Solutions, and a lady that lived at the house walked us home. The children at the school are the exact same way. While we were playing football, the little girls held our bags for us. They always pull out chairs for us to sit in, and one teenage boy offered me his shirt to wipe off my sweaty face (you wouldn't believe how hot playing football in Africa is).

Random:

I visited the market yesterday and bought some fabric to have a woman make a dress for me.

We got a taxi for the first time today, and it only cost us two cedis (about US 2.15) for a ride into town.

We had fufu for lunch, which is basically mashed yams. And my new favorite food.

Surprisingly, the time change didn't take any time to get adjusted to. I flew through Amsterdam which was 7 hours ahead of MO time, then back to Ghana which is 5 hours ahead.

It took a little while to get used to sleeping under a mosquito net, but after I saw all the palm-sized spiders that take showers with you and the scorpions that enjoy hiding in your bag, I figured the net was a safeguard I didn't particularly mind using...

Alright, time to walk back to the home base for dinner! I'll try to write more later...but the keyboard keys are in a different order and it takes 30 minutes to load, haha.

HERE

2009-06-01T09:26:00.000-07:00

I'm here. And I have to leave the internet cafe in 1 minute exactly...highlights.

Hot
Humid
Hot
Humid....
haha.

Beautiful people, amazing village, 43 hours between STL and Ghana. And I get air sick. Who knew!!

Well the keys are different here, and I'm already late to African dance lessons...YES!!... I'll try to write more later. Miss you all!

My Bags Are Packed, I'm Ready To Go...

2009-05-28T20:26:00.000-07:00

I'm packed. I'm ready to go. My luggage weighs 50.5 pounds and the limit is 50, so it is under strict orders to do some sit-ups. I have a passport photo that belongs on America's Most Wanted, I'm officially vaccinated against Malaria, and I'm already missing air conditioning.

I'm ready to GO!

This time tomorrow, I will have left the country for the first time, have seen both the Chicago and Amsterdam skylines, and be very confused about what time it is.

Speaking of... time for this little Wentzville girl to get ready to conquer the big African country.

I love you all and I miss you already!

But I don't speak Dutch

2009-05-27T23:35:00.000-07:00

I leave for Africa in exactly one day, seven hours, and forty-three minutes. [Insert a mix of pure adrenaline, excitement, and terror.]

Up until a year ago, I would have claimed utmost comfort with the United States. Specifically Missouri...even more specifically, my house...

It's amazing how God has given me a reality check and told me exactly how I'm going to get out and live for Him. There's something beautiful about knowing that His plans are all that matter, and I'm just going to stumble through and try to follow them the best that I can.

At the moment, my heart is already in Africa. I think it's been there for months. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for me. I know I am going to walk away someone who I have never been before.

My placement is in the Volta School for the Deaf. Yep, you heard me right: I've had one semester of an American Sign Language class, and I'm off to teach 249 Deaf African children. Of course, I'll be speaking the local dialect, Ewe, the rest of the time. No big deal, right?

But first things first: I need to learn how to say "I'm lost" in Dutch. After all, I catch my transfer flight in Amsterdam.